


Mummy, Whose Mummy?

by Cheriluvs10



Category: Marx Brothers (Movies), The Mummy Series
Genre: Action/Adventure, F/M, Humor, Parody
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-06-08
Updated: 2017-06-08
Packaged: 2018-11-10 17:18:10
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,787
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11131272
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Cheriluvs10/pseuds/Cheriluvs10
Summary: Mummy/Marx Brothers crossover. Rick O'Connell and company meet some very unusual explorers.





	Mummy, Whose Mummy?

PART 1

Rick sighed heavily as he sat up the tent for the night. It was bad enough they had a team of Americans also looking for Hamanaptra, but they had to spend the night a few feet from them too. Rick looked over at the American side of the encampment and glared at Beni, who was grinning smugly at him.

He longed to smack the grin off his face.

He decided to ignore him and just keep on with setting up the camp. He looked over at Evelyn who was arranging firewood in a small circle in the center of their sleeping bags. He hadn't known her for very long. But there was something about her. He admired her courage and determination, and he had to admit, she was beautiful too. He had never had any feelings of love for any woman before. But, Evelyn was awakening his heart for the first time. It was a feeling he was beginning to enjoy. Suddenly, everyone looked up as the dust rose outside the encampment. Rick readied his pistol unsure of just what was stirring up the sand. As he watched, a man rode into the middle of the encampment and looked around. He was young, in his early twenties, with striking features, black hair that was slicked back and blue eyes. He smiled at everyone assembled and doffed his pith helmet.

"Hello everyone, My name is Zeppo Marx. I and my assistants have come here to search for the lost city of Hamunaptra." He said in a soft voice.

He continued to look around at everyone until his eyes fell on Evelyn. He doffed his helmet again and gave her a winning smile that made Evelyn's heart melt and Rick's eyes narrow. Suddenly, Zeppo looked behind him with a frown.

"Where are those assistants of mine?" He wondered aloud.

As if on cue, A great clattering noise was heard and everyone watched as three scruffy looking individuals came into view riding donkeys that bayed loudly. All of them wore the same explorers outfits as Zeppo, but unlike, Zeppo's neat appearance, the three of them had dirty and torn clothing. The first one had jet black hair and a small cap on his head. He smiled at Zeppo and saluted him.

"Here we are, Boss!" He said in a heavy Italian accent. "We had a little-a trouble with the donkeys!"

The second man also had jet black hair, a jet black mustache and was smoking a jet black cigar. He pushed his glasses further up his nose as he observed everyone.

"I didn't realize the Boy Scouts camped out in the Sahara desert." He observed dryly. 

He saw Evelyn staring at him and he gave her a wink. 

"Are you the Girl Scout's representative, then?" He asked her.

The last of the three was also the most unkempt. His clothes were all tattered and torn and instead of a pith helmet, he wore a huge, battered, black, top hat over his unruly red curls. As Zeppo turned his attention to him, the man began to mime rapidly while honking a little horn that was in his belt. He pointed to the donkeys and mimed pulling their ropes while he made a grimace. Then he mimed kicking them, then he mimed the donkeys kicking them in return. Finally,he folded his arms triumphantly across his chest as he finished giving his silent explanation of their lateness. Zeppo nodded and then looked at everyone who was staring at the man in disbelief.

"Oh, that's Harpo." He said sheepishly. "Don't mind him, he can't talk. Eventually, you learn to figure out what he's saying." He pointed to the other two. "This is Chico and that's Groucho."

"Chico? Groucho? Zeppo? Harpo? What the hell kinda names are those?" Rick said incredulously.

Zeppo coughed as Chico, Groucho and Harpo glared at him. 

"Um, Those are our professional names. They're nicknames we've gotten from other explorers. We liked them so we decided to use them instead of our real names."

Rick snorted.

"And I suppose-a your name is so much-a better!" Chico said indignantly.

"Well At least my name sounds normal" Rick shot back. "I'm Rick."

"That's-a funny, I'm sick too...of you!" Chico said, snorting.

"I didn't say sick, i said Rick! Rick! Rick!." Rick said walking over to him.

"Alright, alright! Rick, Rick, Rick!" Chico said throwing his arms up in the air and muttering in Italian.

Rick opened his mouth to say something when he suddenly felt someone behind him. He turned around to see Harpo behind him with a goofy grin on his face. Suddenly he grabbed Rick's hand and shoved his leg into it. Rick threw his leg back down, furious.

"Stop that!" He yelled at him as he pointed at his leg.

Harpo took the hand that was pointing at his leg and shoved his leg into it again. Rick threw the leg back down and walked over to Evelyn, as Chico and Harpo giggled behind him.

"Alright boys, lets get our camp set up!" Zeppo yelled at them as he finally got down from his horse.

"Wait, wait, wait!" Rick said coming over to him." What do you mean? You are setting up camp here too? There's not enough room as it is!"

"Nonsense, we don't take up much room." Zeppo said. "There's only four of us, after all!"

"Maybe we don't want you here though, pretty boy!"

Zeppo turned and jumped as he saw Beni behind him. He wrinkled his lips in disgust at his filthy appearance.

"As I said before...um...sir. We don't take up that much room and it seems a better idea to camp here...safety in numbers, you know!"

"I don't know how safe you're gonna be with this weasel around." Rick said under his breath.

"I heard that O'Connell!" Beni said in a snotty voice.

"Good! I'm glad you heard it!" Rick shot back.

Zeppo stood and watched them silently.

"And I thought my assistants were immature." He said to himself.

**********************************

After alot of arguing, everyone finally backed off and let the newcomers set up their camp. Everyone figured they'd never make it to Hamunaptra anyway with just the four of them, one horse, and three sickly donkeys.  
Everyone tried their best to ignore them despite the ruckus the three assistants were making. If the assistants weren't arguing among themselves, they were walking around the camp bothering everyone else. Rick had to keep telling Groucho to back off because he seemed to have gotten it into his head that Evelyn liked him. As for Zeppo, he read quietly by the fire. Occasionally though, he would look up and lock eyes with Evelyn and give her one of his charming smiles. Rick felt himself filling with jealousy at that although he really had no reason to be. It wasn't like he and Evelyn were dating.

*************************************

Finally things quieted down and everyone settled in for the night. Rick lay beside Evelyn and looked up at the stars. He thanked God that he was alive to look at them. Evelyn had done so much for him, he didn't know if he could ever repay her. Suddenly, they hear the neighing of horses. Everyone jumped up as 30 armed figures dressed in black and wearing tattoos on their faces rode into their midst and began shooting. Rick grabbed his gun as he watched them kill the arab diggers they had brough along. The Americans had already grabbed their guns and were firing back as was Zeppo, Evelyn, and Johnathan.Beni, Groucho, Chico, and the British Egyptologist that was with the Americans, crouched behind a rock and watched everyone else. Rick opened fire and caught one of the men in black in the neck. He watched as the man grunted and fell from his horse dead.

"Ah, Shit! As if we haven't had enough excitement today!" Rick screamed.

Rick turned his sights on the leader who was shooting the diggers as they ran for cover. He began to run towards him. Suddenly, he saw Harpo dart out in front of him towards another of the men in black.

"Um...Hey! Um...Piano...or whatever your name is! Watch out!" Rick screamed at him.

Harpo ignored Rick and instead kept on running towards the man. As he raised his gun to shoot him, Harpo put on a burst of speed and the bullet missed him by inches. Harpo ran around the man and pulled out a pair of scissors. He snipped off a huge portion of the man's robe and ran on waving the fabric like a flag. The man turned his horse and stared at him in shock for a moment before giving a savage yell and giving chase. Rick watched as Harpo stopped in front of a pillar and began to do a silly dance, infuriating the man further. Just as he reached him, Harpo flung the fabric up into the man's face blinding him. He rolled a piece of the column in front of his horse and as the horse tripped and fell over on the man, Harpo walked away whistling. Rick blinked at this. He couldn't believe the man's luck. As Harpo walked past Rick, he tipped his hat to him and continued whistling. Suddenly Rick heard a yell and saw the leader was bearing down on him, He raised his pistol and shot the gun from his hand. The man blinked in surprise and fell off his horse. Rick looked up as another man in black came into view, ready to fire. Suddenly, He gave a grunt and fell off his horse as a bullet struck him. Rick turned and saw that Zeppo was the one that had fired the shot. As Rick nodded his thanks, Zeppo pointed frantically.

"In front of you!" He yelled.

Rick turned and saw that the leader had now recovered from his fall. He pulled another sword from his robes and knocked the gun from his hand. Without even thinking, Rick did a roll and at the same time pulled a stick of dynamite from his belt. He thrust the fuse into the fire behind him and came back up, threatening the man with the now lit dynamite. As he stood there, he felt Zeppo come up behind him, his gun pointed at the leader.

"Enough!" The man said as he gave in. "We will shed no more blood, But you must leave this place! Leave this place or die!' The man nodded to the others and they galloped off into the night as Chico ran after him, his hands balled into fists.

"Come back here, you chickens! And I'll give-a you more of the same!"


End file.
